I just realized today that I haven’t written about toilet paper yet.  As an employee, I’m used to the toilet paper at IU Health.  Earlier this year, IUH switched suppliers and began receiving toilet paper from Georgia Pacific.  I was a little skeptical when it was first announced because one of the bullet points in the announcement was that the new toilet paper would have the same paper content as the old toilet paper.  Now why would you have to point something like that out?  Once they installed the new TP I knew why.  Hold it up the right way, and it was basically transparent.  No joke.

Using the IUH TP only between the hours of 8a and 5p on weekdays was fine.  As an employee I don’t expect to have ultra charmin stocked in the bathroom.  However being a patient, the transparent TP is what I have 24/7.  This summer I commented that I think Georgia Pacific used nanotechnology to engineer the toilet paper.  I now know that not to be true.  You can’t get this stuff this thin with only nano technology.  I’ve now concluded that Georgia Pacific has indeed discovered the Higgs Boson and is actively manufacturing products at that level.  It’s quite possible they’ve discovered something even smaller than the Higgs, I just don’t know what to call it.

Eventually my sensitive hiney could take no more.  I had Lindsey bring in some ultra soft toilet paper for me.  I hear that this is not uncommon and many patients bring in their own TP.  I know for each of my next 7 admissions for chemo, it’s something I will pack.  I can understand stocking the employee bathrooms with the cheap stuff.  We’re a non profit and patient care is our #1 priority.  It’s just a shame that an organization that strives to be preeminent and the place patients choose when choice matters most can’t provide better TP for their patients’ #2 priority.

Staying with the same theme, a good friend of ours got me a t-shirt.  Constipation is a big side effect of chemo.  Being able to “go” is a big deal around here.  During every assessment I’m asked “have you had a bowel movement today.”  Even the current doctor always asks “Is the plumbing ok?” (come to think of it, next time he asks, instead of just saying “yes”, I’m going to tell him I have to jiggle the handle a few times and see how he reacts).  So poop is a topic of conversation multiple times a day.  The t-shirt I was given has a stick person raising their arms into the air in a sense of triumph and says “I Pooped Today.”  I wore the t-shirt yesterday and it was a big hit.  First off, when I was asked if I’ve had a bowel movement, I simply had to point at my shirt.  Aside from that, I wore it as I walked the unit and got a lot of smiles and laughs.  I even had a few staff come into my room just to see the shirt 😉

When I first told my mom of my diagnosis, here response was “We’ll get you into Mayo.  Wherever you want to go for treatment, we’ll get you into the best place.”  I appreciate my mom’s support and as a parent know that I would get any of my children the best care possible, no matter the cost.  With all due respect to Mayo, I am confident I am being treated at the best place possible.  The IU Simon Cancer Center is a state of the art facility, with advanced technology, strong research, and most importantly a kick (ALL’s) ass staff.  My doctors spend time with me and check in on me multiple times a day.  My nurses take time to get to know me and deliver my care professionally and expertly.  The housekeeping staff asks about my kids and tells me about theirs.  The room service staff makes sure my food is exactly the way I want it and jokes with me when they deliver seconds.  As part of the IUH family I may be slightly biased, but the people here are second to none.  I’m sure Mayo provides excellent care as well, but I’m positive we do it just a little bit better here.

Congratulations to Daniel Simpson who was the high bidder for the Colts tickets.  He will be taking his daughter Abby to her first game at Lucas Oil Stadium.  I hope you both have a great time and say hi to Chuck for me!

A true Hoosier knows what it is like to drive to Florida for spring break.  As a kid, I made that trip multiple times.  I’ve decided to use a round trip to Florida as a marker for my journey to a cure.  As you know, I’m not considered cured for 5 years.  That’s 1826 days.  It just so happens that a round trip to Ponte Verde Beach, FL is 1826 miles (took me awhile to find that one).  So if one day of my real life journey equals one mile traveled of my fictitious drive to Florida, then I’ve gone 21 miles so far.  That means I’m just a bit north of exit 90 on I-65.  On March 24th, 2013 I’ll be crossing the Indiana border into Louisville, KY and I won’t reach Ponte Verde until June 9th, 2015.  In other words, we’re not there yet.

To stick with the theme of this post a bit more, it appears my writer’s block has been cleared by a mental enema.  Hopefully I’m discharged tomorrow, as I think I’ve used up all my topics now.  Maybe I’ll ask for a little extra stool softener tonight to keep the thoughts flowing.

Father God, I’m on the verge of getting out of here.  On the verge of being discharged.  On the verge of being able to return to my normal life, but I’m not sure normal exists anymore.  I will be back in the hospital 7 times over the next 7 months, and that is only a minimum if I have no complications.  I will have to live differently.  I will have to eat differently.  I will have to be more careful in what I do.  But the biggest benefit in all of this is I choose to worship you differently.  I choose to follow more closely.  I choose to honor you more consistently.  I feel you hands upon me.  Use me as you see fit.  Thank you for another day.  Amen.

WBC – 0.6

Hemoglobin – 8.2

Platelets – 117

ANC – 0.2

So my ANC is still 0.2, which means I get to spend another night at hotel IU Health.  In reality it isn’t a bad thing because it gives Lindsey another day to get better, but overall I’m ready to see an ANC jump 😉

Speaking of Lindsey, she is feeling better today.  Not completely well, but well enough to get out of the house.  Thank you for your prayers!

That’s all I have for right now.  If inspiration hits later on, I’ll type another update 😉

I’m not bald yet, but I kind of wonder if I’m missing patches of hair on my head and I just can’t see that in the mirror.  I imagined if I washed my hair long enough, it would all come out.  For now I just empty the drain in the sink a few times while I shampoo so it doesn’t clog up and drown me.

The other hair that is coming out is my beard.  I sometimes will grab my beard between my thumb and index finger and just pull.  The hairs come right out.  I was thinking I need a lint roller that I could just roll around my face and get all the hair off at once.  Might need a few sheets of roller tape for that.

The numbers are trending in the right direction.  I just need my ANC to trend a little faster.

WBC – 0.6

Hemoglobin – 8.2

Platelets – 96

ANC – 0.2

I had my ophthalmology consult yesterday.  They brought a suitcase of stuff to test my eyes out.  While I didn’t have to play the fun game of “which is clearer, lense A or lense B” they did make me look up, down, left, and right.  He also threw in some Up and Lefts, down and rights, etc.  I think I did ok.  The diagnosis is pre-retinal hematoma (or something like that) in both eyes.  Basically because of my low platelets my eye bled some and the blood is still trapped in there.  It should clear up over the next week or so, and my eyesight will return to normal.

After my diagnosis was made, I became slightly popular with the residents.  A few took turns coming in to look at my eye so they could see what a pre-retinal hematoma looks like.  I guess they haven’t heard of Dr. Google, because he has plenty of pictures of that kind of stuff.

Father God, tonight I pray that you be with my family.  Help Lindsey to feel better and be able to function.  Be with my children and protect them from the flu.  Keep them all safe in my absence and help us all to be able to see each other soon.  Thank you for another day.  Amen.