I am Philadelphia Chromosome Negative!

Kandice Robinson touched a lot of lives here on earth, including mine.  She lost her battle with cancer in the summer of 2010 and I miss her.  I’ve read over her caring bridge site a bit, and while our cancers are different, I still appreciate her words of wisdom.  Below is an excerpt from one of Kandice’s updates.  While I’m not to the “survivor” portion yet, her words resonate with some of the thoughts I’ve had.  I’m not special, I’m normal, but if being normal helps other people out then by golly I’m gonna be the best kind of normal I know how.  I just don’t want to be the focus.

It just happens when you’re a cancer survivor, people just feel compelled to tell you how inspirational you are to them.  Don’t get me wrong, I think that is right and good, but it’s just a little overwhelming when you’re on the receiving end.  In our current cancer awareness culture, I feel like there’s been a big push to honor survivors as heroes and while honor has its place, I often don’t view myself as very heroic.  Sometimes when people tell me I’m inspirational I think, “What did I do today?  I got up and went to work, but so did most of my friends.  Why isn’t anyone inspired by them?”  I think what people are trying to communicate is that how I walk my journey encourages them in the walking of their journey…and if that’s the case, I guess I can accept the title of “inspirational.”  The Bible actually says we are supposed to “spur one another on to love and good deeds,” meaning that just being around other Godly people should act like a kick in the pants for us to pursue God more.  If being around me pushes people toward God, I’m happy to walk through life nudging everyone, but I’d also like to say I’m not the only one doing the nudging or inspiring around here.  There are plenty of people who have made very deliberate choices on how to engage in my journey, whose actions should inspire others.Often it’s hard for me to accept the description of myself as an inspiration because I didn’t choose to have cancer.  I know I have made other choices along the way, but given a choice I would not have chosen this life path. However, there are people in my life who have chosen to join this battle with me, people who have chosen to be committed and self sacrificing when they didn’t have to, people who have entered into “cancer-ville” when they could have just continued on their normal lives…and these are the people I think who are truly inspirational.  So I’d like to take a moment to ask you to be inspired by someone other than me, by those who journey with us and whose actions often go unnoticed.

“,,,by those who journey with us and whose actions often go unnoticed.”  Father, I thank you for those who journey with me.  I thank you for their actions, for they are the inspirational ones.  Thank  you for another day.  Amen.

Assurance is very important at IU Health, so I don’t joke about it lightly.  We want you to be assured that you are receiving the best care from the best people, and I know that I am.  But then there is the clock in my room…

The clock in my room is an hour fast.  So when it’s really 5pm, my clock says 6pm.  It apparently didn’t get the fall back memo. I’ve been told it’s a known issue since the time change, but no fix yet.  I actually had Lindsey bring in a digital clock so I didn’t have to convert the time in my head.  I know it seems simple to subtract an hour from a clock, but the chemo brain has an impact on even simple math.  So I’ve stopped looking at my hospital clock and now look at my own personal clock.  In the grand scheme of things, I think Path Results of Assurance is much more important than Clocks of Assurance, but still.  Mr. Evans, can’t you help a brother out here?  Clocks of Assurance seems like an easy win.

I checked in to the hospital at 110 kg.  After seeing that I gained 0.8 kilos, I dropped the apple pie last night.  I got weighed again this morning and and I am now 108.4 kg.  That’s some heavy apple pie!  Actually, I think the weight loss can be attributed to my IV fluids being stopped last night and my frequent trips to the bio break room.  Guess apple pie is back on the menu!

My initial round of chemo is done.  I finished up this morning with Cytoxan, which is what I have been getting since Saturday night.  I also received 2 new types of chemo this morning.  I got a dose of doxorubicin and a dose of vincristine.  Before the doxorubicin, I was told I’d probably want to eat ice chips while it infused.  Not knowing why, I asked.  The nurse said, “One of the main side effects is mouth sores, so if you eat ice chips it constricts the vessels and hopefully helps the chemo from impacted your mouth as much.” Say no more, I ate ice chips like a fiend.

The side effect of vincristine is constipation.  I wasn’t quite sure where to put the ice chips to help with that, so we’ll wait and see what happens.  I’m still just a regular guy at the moment.

My room has a great big window.  It’s a sunny day today, and I’m enjoying the sunlight as it comes through the window. Now, if I could just enjoy the sunlight with a little lunch, that would be great.  Come on chuck wagon!